Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Ms Canadian Roomate 1.0

I'm certain everybody has annoying roommate stories, but I bet you can't top a Nova Scotian Roman Catholic* Winnie the Pooh Fanatic. All of these things can be counted in the "just fine" category on their own, or even together in moderation, but full on, all the time, it's kind of terrifying.

...There were, however, several attempts by yours truly to inject some humour into what very quickly became an extremely uncomfortable living situation.

This involved several small stunts that went generally unnoticed, but once we had an excess of microwaves. I stacked them so they would look pretty (pictured). It was one of my best in-home installations and it was promptly dismantled the next day without anyone uttering a single syllable. (I'll swear that passive aggression is like some sort of epidemic in this town.)

*I only mentioned this because she cooked fish every Friday and never gave me any. I may be a dirty heathen, but I still like nicely cooked atlantic salmon

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


Does anyone remember Little Richard being on Baywatch? Am I wrong? I couldn't find him on IMDB, but I'm so sure it was him.

He played a bartender who made sexy cocktails, but his character was annoying as hell. Basically, he has trumped Ronald MacDonald in my archive of irritating childhood memories.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

When You're Summer Bored Circa 2006

The Bathurst Pigeon Progression

This special little guy fell off the roof of the Bathurst Theatre just south of Bloor. Follow his progress three days hence.

Day One:

Day Two:

...and Day Three:

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Ms Random Task 3.0

My final catering gig was at Timothy Eaton Memorial Church on St Clair Ave. It's much larger than its facade might boast, and I'm pretty sure the congregation is rich like filthy. In as far as Places for Prayer Solace go in the city are concerned, this one is totally pimped.

The occasion was a rather solemn and teary funeral for a thrill-seeking son of a wealthy family. He apparently passed away whilst on vacation somewhere, but I never got the full story. Everybody was being too proper about it. The pews were absolutely packed for the service with a line-up past the staircase to get into the reception hall.

As luck would have it, there was also a gut-wrenching stomach virus making the rounds not only our fair city, but in that very building. The piles of food and debris left in the wake of the mourners makes me nervous enough about picking up something nasty, but a couple of hours into the festivities, Public Embarrassment 101 took place in the far corner.

Mercifully I was on the other side of the room when the actual expongeance took place, but quite suddenly a gentleman vomited in a rather abrupt and violent fashion all over the floor. He made a hasty exit through the door behind him.

I worked a double and passed out on my friend's couch, only to feel dreadful the following morning. After a few minutes of tossing and turning - WAM - I turned my head in time to completely cover their living room floor in my partially digested dinner. Only you know this time, there was no janitorial staff. Just a very flustered, sleep-deprived me with a mop and a decades-old bottle of Pine Sol.

Do I miss catering? No I do not.